How Do You Measure a Year?

“Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure – measure a year?
In daylights – in sunsets
In midnights – in cups of coffee
In inches – in miles
In laughter – in strife

In – five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?”

~Seasons of Love Rent

That chorus has been playing through my mind for the past few months leading up to today, the one-year anniversary of losing Mama Yolie.

How does a year go by so quickly yet so slowly at the same time?  Why does it still seem like this all happened yesterday?  How is it possible?  It still doesn’t feel real; will it ever?  I don’t think so.

If you follow my blog then you know how much Yolie meant to me and the amazing woman that she was.  She was my mother-in-law but so much more.  She passed away October 25th, 2015 from breast cancer.  Cancer is an awful thing.  I’ve seen it take quite a few people in my life.  I’m sure you’ve been affected by it as well…

This past year was measured in learning how to live without someone that you love so much.  I don’t think life ever becomes normal but you learn to live a new “normal.”  You learn to go on.

I’ve learned that people process grief in different ways.  There is no right or wrong way. C.S. Lewis wrote A Grief Observed after he lost his wife.  He wrote, “I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow.  Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process.”  AMEN!!  I don’t think people truly understand this until they are faced with a loss themselves.  I don’t think I did.

This past year was measured in tears and memories and conversations of Yolie.

This past year was measured on my knees in prayer.

This past year was measured in learning and growing in faith.

This past year was measured in being together as a family.

This past year was measured in love.  Love for a beautiful woman we lost.  Love for our family in growing together and learning how to live a new life.  Love for my husband as we grew together as a couple.  Can you believe that?  We GREW while GRIEVING?!  How does that even happen?  Isn’t that some kind of an oxymoron or something???  It doesn’t sound right but it is and for that I am thankful.

Like I’ve said before, I don’t understand why God decided to take Yolie when He did.  I’m grateful that He blessed me with a friendship with her for 10 years.  I’m grateful for all the memories I have with her, for our talks regarding DIY projects and recipes, for our dance parties (she could get down! :)).  I’m grateful she was at our wedding.  I’m grateful.  

How do you measure a year?  If you haven’t lost someone then I encourage you to measure your year with love and laughter with those whom you hold closest.  If you have lost someone then maybe what I’m saying is quite familiar to you already, or maybe you’ve responded differently in your grief.  But for you, I hope your year is measured in memories of the one you lost, in memories that will live with you forever and in ways in which you honor that person.

I love you Mama Yolie.  You will forever be in my heart.  Thank you for impacting me in such a beautiful way.  xo, Jenneke Rose