Seems a bit crazy, right? Leave a good job in the midst of a pandemic, while millions of Americans are losing their jobs and unemployment is skyrocketing. Well, that’s exactly what I did back in September.
Let’s rewind a bit: You see, I became a mom January 1st, 2019 to a beautiful daughter! (I know, I haven’t blogged in forever!) I had three months of maternity leave and then went back to work. My husband then worked from home while watching her for the next six months as we searched for a daycare that had an opening. We eventually found a place which we weren’t gungho about but it was right down the street, less expensive than a nanny (but still very expensive), we had heard positive things about this place and they had an opening.
It was hard having our daughter there. While everyone was sweet we wondered why she NEVER napped, her bottom was constantly sore and we felt like she was sick. ALL. THE. TIME. (I know that’s what happens when your child enters a daycare or school for the first time but still not fun).
Being a working mom isn’t easy. I struggled a lot. I missed our daughter on the daily. I felt guilty for leaving her every morning. Pumping three times a day at work is not fun and all these things made me wonder if I should become a stay-at-home mom.
Fast forward to March 2020 when COVID and the quarantine hit. My husband and I were thrown into working from home and taking care of a toddler. Something I know so many other people were doing and still doing now. It is tough to say the least.
To me, it was a blessing in disguise. But it was still hard. While I was so grateful to be home with our rambunctious child, I was also stressed out because I was home with our rambunctious child. I was working full-time while taking care of our toddler full-time, while having my husband working from home and us switching on and off. It got a little stressful! My husband’s office opened back up (there are 2 people who decided to return) and he decided to go in as well.
But I felt guilty again. I felt guilty when I was working and not giving our daughter attention and I felt guilty when I was focused on her and not work. The guilt never stopped.
I believe God had put it on my heart, months before COVID, to stay at home. It’s something my husband and I discussed and prayed about at great lengths. We wanted to make sure we were doing the right thing for our daughter and for our family.
In the end we decided that it would be best for us if I stayed home full-time as a mom. While not every mom may want to stay at home, or have the capacity to, this was a leap of faith for us. One salary is scary, especially during these turbulent times, but our eyes are fixed upward as we live by faith. Staying home has not been easy. It’s not as picturesque as I once thought, but I’m thankful to be home, with our daughter, focused on her.
For you mamas out there that are torn about this, or this might be something on your heart, I encourage you to talk about it with your spouse or friends, pray about it, weigh the pros and cons. A decision that’s right for us may not be right for you, but I hope this post encourages you!